Telstra-robot: Hi, welcome to Telstra. We are currently experiencing an unusually high-volume of calls with wait times up to an hour. Have you tried contacting us on the My Telstra app? Wait times can be reduced by up to 4 times. I’m now sending you a link to My Telstra app. If you would still like to hold the line for the next available operator say Yes.

Yes.

I’m sorry I didn’t quite catch that?

Yes.

Thank-you. I have found an account registered to the number you called on – is this the account about which you are inquiring today?

Yes.

Are you calling in relation to a 5G NBN plan or a 3g and 4g mobile telephone service?

Mobile.

Have you been impacted by the recent severe weather events?

Yes.

So that we may best serve you, in a few words, say what you are calling
about.

Internet Outage

I didn’t quite catch that - that’s ok - I’ll connect you to an operator. Please hold the line – the expected wait time is 5 to 15 minutes.

(elevator music punctuated every minute by:)

When you call us from the My Telstra app your call will be answered up to four times faster. Or simply click on the Get Help link on My Telstra app to trouble-shoot most problems.

Hi Dulan, my name is Rolland, how may we help you today?

Hi Roland, i...

Dulan, this conversation is being recorded for training purposes, are you ok with that?

Yes, good idea.

Thank you Dulan.

Is it ok if i record too?

Sure.

Thank you Rolland.

So how may we assist you today Dulan?

Yeah, we’ve had a severe weather event, the internet has been out for 7 days - i’ve called uhr, the last three days, the answer is always technicians are working on it - it will be back on within 24hrs - but that’s not been correct information. So we’d like to know
(a) What damage was done to Telstra’s infrastructure, exactly?
(b) What are the technicians doing to fix it?
(c) When’s it gonna be fixed?

Dulan, I’m sorry to hear about your circumstances. I can’t find your details here - we’ve sent you an email with a file number, can you open that while we’re on the line and give me that identity code?

Mate, i don’t have the internet. That’s why i’m calling. There was a big flood - it’s been out for seven days. I can’t give you an identity code. You have my name, my date of birth, my telephone number, what …

Yes, but i’m just having trouble locating you on the computer. So you recently applied for a 5G connection and it hasn’t been connected yet, is that correct?

No, it’s not. The internet is out - for seven days - yes there was a storm, but i lived in Taiwan for 23 years through typhoons & earthquakes, it didn’t go out at all - so we don’t know what’s going on. We need some answers.

Yes, I understand. So you didn’t apply for a 5G wifi connection to your house recently?

No.

I think i know what the problem is Dulan - you’ve been accidentally routed through (by a fucking robot) to the 5G connection department. You need to speak to the internet outage department.

Yes, I do.

I’m so sorry Dulan to hear of your situation - i will put you through to the right department now - please hold the line.

(Elevator muzak)

Robot: When you call us from the My Telstra app your call will be answered up to four times faster. Or simply click on the Get Help link on My Telstra app to trouble-shoot most problems.